I knew it was gonna be one of those days when a colleague called me, “Mate, I need a map of all the dog fouling locations from last year.” In my still half-asleep mind I picture one of the offending turds…a gentle wave of 8-bit animated steam is rippling from it’s tapered peak. “No worries….” […]
Lockdown 2
Anybody know any good sequels? Some people think Rocky 2 is better than the first. These people should not be trusted. I always thought the Godfather movies were a snooze (don’t @ me), but I’m told the second is the best. Terminator 2? I prefer the first (how many gears does John Conner’s motorcycle have?). […]
Wait, what?
It’s August. I’ve no idea how it happened. Actually, it’s nearly September. Fuck. I’ve just re-read some of the things I wrote, and whilst it’s mostly dogshit, I’m cross that I’ve not kept up my writing. So much has happened. Things are returning to normal but everything feels different. Like something is wrong. Like someone […]
Cumgate
It’s been ten days since I last wrote something. I’m not really feeling “writey” but I figured the current situation with feckless dinosaur embryo and 12th century castle addict, Dominic Cummings, was worthy of note. So whilst the vast majority of the population were doing their bit to protect the NHS, it turns out this […]
Stay alert, get drunk, make quiche
So……what? OK, let’s start with VE Day. I should have been hauling my fat ass up some hills over VE day weekend, but instead I got arseholed with some people I live near. At 2.30pm people began to appear in their front gardens and the period music began. By 4pm everyone was drunk. The Town […]
Geek therapy
I’m on my own in this calamity of a house, so I often have sounds on for company. A lot of the time it’s Radio 6. Fair dos. But I often turn to YouTube. Here are some of the channels I’ve found most comforting during lockdown. Paul Davids Guitar, beard, smoke and a pancake I […]
I miss Fridays
It’s been difficult to sit and write of late. It’s not as if there’s nothing going on. Boris is back and rampant. We’re ‘past the peak’ whatever the fuck that means. Testing is happening in bigger numbers and there’s talk of plans emerging to get the country up and running again. I could talk about […]
The joy of tinned meat
I’m having a spam sandwich. Have you seen that movie, “The Road”? A father and his son push a shopping trolley across a post-apocalyptic America. They bump in to Robert Duval and they give him a tin of peaches (spoilers). I should totally write movie posters. It’s adapted from the Cormac McCarthy novel of the […]
Gardeners’ (end of the) world
Not a great start to the weekend. This happened: What you’re looking at here is the boundary wall to the rear of my property. The building you can see in the picture is the neighbouring hotel. Ugh. I’m not sure when it fell. My neighbour sent me a text to alert me as I was […]